Your Basic Batch is back. That means it’s time watch grown men cry in limos and a grown woman giggle like an eighth grader over a man she barely knows. Tuesdays mean screaming, crying, lots of b-roll of a dude named Dale, and (maybe) some roses?
Let’s break down the most bananas moments from tonight’s episode because all the wine in the world (or in my case pumpkin beer) couldn’t have prepared Bachelor Nation for the dumpster fire that’s coming. Let’s do this:
Yosef’s Finally Leaves
Pack your bags, we’re going on a guilt trip. Yosef. Sigh. Oh Yosef.
Cute face. Sooooo much anger. Soooooo much resentment. Soooooo much toxic masculinity shooting from his crotch. Did he really pass the psych screening? Serious question.
So lemme get this straight: He’s furious (like went from 0 to 60 in seconds) about what happened on a date that didn’t involve him. He’s really mad about other people getting naked while he sits on the couch fully-clothed. And he’s sure he never wants her to be the “mother of his children.” And Clare’s the crazy one?
Women across America were yelling “you in danger girl” at their TV. They might not be wrong. He seems unhinged.
Yes, the pearl clutching over naked dodgeball may have been encouraged by the production team, but no one forced him to confront Clare, interrupt Jordan, call her “classless” or shame the other guys for playing naked dodgeball. That’s all him.
I love the subtle shade from the producers. They just let him talk about how classless he thinks the whole naked guy thing is. It’s “humiliating and degrading” according to him. “Think of the example I’d be setting,” he says. Maybe if you want to set a good example for your daughter maybe not do that thing you did with that girl? Just a thought.
Try sliding into DMs now buddy. From talking over her, to trying to belittle her, to saying he’s embarrassed to be associated with her, I’d be shocked he gets a date with anyone anytime soon. Later dude.
Clare kept Dale’s pants
DeAnna pays Clare a little visit to offer some advice and encouragement. All Clare does is talk to DeAnna about how much she likes Dale. Ok fine. Totally normal. Annoying, but normal. Then she and busts out Dale’s actual PANTS that she kept from the last group date because they smell so good. I don’t have a ton to say here other than that was, umm, an interesting choice. We see where this is going, and Bachelor Nation doesn’t like it.
Clare ditching pretty much everyone for Dale and Claire not really wanting to talk to anyone not named Dale
I mean, I really can’t even with this. I cannot believe she took him inside Casa de Clare to make out. I cannot believe they’re kissing and spooning on her bed while the other guys wait outside. That five minutes Dale wanted turned into an HOUR. I’m not NOT #teamclare but that was, wow. It’s more than a little rude.
I’m cringing for the guys, particularly Eazy who clearly knew what he interrupted. And please can we get Eazy to Paradise so he can actually meet some girls who want to make out with him and get to know him as a person?
Zach Getting Sent Home
Zach tried really hard to kiss her. And then kept trying and trying and trying. It freaked her out that he grabbed her and kept trying. I probably would have been freaked out too because he didn’t let it go and she clearly didn’t want to talk about it. I can see how she was triggered. He tried to grab her and she was NOT having it.
That should have been enough for him to give her some space and he didn’t. I’m team #consentculture on this one. He didn’t mean to freak her out but he did. So down goes another man not named Dale.
The Guys Get Cranky
The whole episode we see her ignoring the guys and giving Dale attention. They start to get angry, and you know what? Good for them! They’ve been basically ignored this entire time because their name isn’t Dale and can all see how into him she is. You can feel how awkward the guys feel, and Dale constantly keeps interrupting other guys and taking time away with Clare. It’s for sure disrespectful.
Band of Brothers Dale. Watch it.
After seeing Zach get sent home and another cringy group date, the guys have had enough and I don’t blame them. She literally asked all the guys she had one-on-one conversations with about Dale. Dale, Dale, Dale. He’s the topic of conversation on dates he’s not even on! How many times can one person possibly say that name?! Answer: a lot.
She didn’t even give a rose out at the group date because she “didn’t get what she needed” from them. She was clearly upset and told a producer that they “made fun of her fiancé?” I’m sorry, what was that word she used?
I could hear the screams from Bachelor Nation from my house. What. Is. Happening. Next week they just might walk out. And I can’t say any of us will be shocked.
I’m also not that sure Clare is here for the right reasons, but there are a hell of a lot of guys this season who are.
My picks for who needs a Ticket to Bachelor in Paradise
Well... we made it? We got through another episode of The Bachelorette. I’ll be grateful for some Clare-ity next week and maybe even a new Bachelorette! Make good choices and try not to talk about anyone named Dale. xoxo