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Nick Saban cancels Alabama OTA’s, reminds you to wash your hands and stay inside

The most successful coach in the history of college football has a message for you about his team, and your personal well-being

Head coach Nick Saban of the Alabama Crimson Tide celebrates with his players following a win against the Michigan Wolverines in the Vrbo Citrus Bowl at Camping World Stadium on January 1, 2020 in Orlando, Florida. Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images

The citizens of Alabama have heard from government officials, journalists, medical experts, and plenty of other folks about the coronavirus.

But if they didn’t know what to do before, now can listen to the only leader the state truly reveres and respects (at least those not from The Plains of West Georgia).

Nick Saban, what say you?

Let’s break this down line-by-line.

0:18 “Our staff is back to work, but we are working from home, and obeying all social distancing guidelines.”

Congrats to everyone at the University of Alabama for not having the fear of God in them every time the Nicktator is walking around the facility. When the ex-employees compare to you Shawshank Redemption characters, it might not make for the most positive and uplifting work environment.

0:31 “We are not having organized team activities of any kind.”

This just means more time for Saban to recruit and watch film. I’m sure he’s devastated, as the national championship games keep cutting into his time to get these things done. The Process waits for no one.

0:51 “We ask that everyone please wash their hands often. Stay at home if at all possible. And when you have to be out in public, make sure you keep six feet between you and the nearest person.”

You can almost see the wheels spinning: “If you morons don’t get in your houses, we’re not going to have a football season. How the hell does this state expect me to recruit if we’re not playing games? I can’t watch film if we’re not practicing or playing games, so get the hell inside so we can start doing drills. RUN IT AGAIN!

1:09 “And together, we look forward to what’s to come, like the opportunity to play college football. But the best and safest way to make sure that happens is to listen to the experts, follow their guidelines, and take care of each other.”

This entire spot is the most popular human being even in the state of Alabama asking 4.9 million people to follow #TheProcess. And we stan for it.

But not as hard as we stan for his fellow SEC West coach doing the same to keep the people of Louisiana safe with a voice that sounds like he’s been yelling at people to scrub their fingers harder for the past four days straight.

Coach O has been just about perfect the last year in Baton Rouge. But his first mistake might have been not ending this with a “Geaux Tigers,” in one of the great upsets in recent college football history.