As top-flight American soccer gets ready to return to the pitch with the MLS is Back tournament at Walt Disney World next week, the players are staying at the Swan and Dolphin hotels just outside of Epcot Center. Though they weren’t chosen by our Disney experts as the best places to stay at the Happiest Place on Earth, they are wonderful properties. Plus... Marriott Points!
There’s a Fantasia-themed mini-golf course outside, and you’re walking distance to the most fun place in the Reedy Creek Improvement District to be if you don’t have kids.
But look what they charge $65 for to eat for lunch. And USMNT player Omar Gonzalez isn’t enthused.
When you go to Disney, you expect to overpay for some meals. It’s not cheap, especially if you’re staying in one of the nicer resorts. But dropping 60% of what MLS’s per diem normally runs for that box of overrated break room food is insane.
It is described as a “bourbon glazed smoked Virginia ham, alpine Swiss cheese, dijon mustard, caraway kaiser” sandwich. And that’s not a banana, but some “seasonal whole fresh fruit” thank you very much.
The expansion fees for the latest MLS franchise was $325 million, and they’re handing out charters like Subway sandwich shops as of late. Did you know that Austin, Texas will have a team next year? And St. Louis and Sacramento are getting teams in 2022? Were people in Charlotte really crying out for a soccer team that would be lucky to compete in the third division of England? But as long as someone has been willing to put up the money, US Soccer has been willing to take it.
So enjoy your five-star resort and underwhelming catering, denizens of professional soccer. Because you’d rather spend your money on this than a structure that allows you to win a CONCACAF Champions League trophy, which YOU HAVE NOT WON THIS CENTURY DESPITE BEING THE WEALTHIEST COUNTRY IN THE REGION BY A FACTOR OF A KATRILLION YOU INCOMPETENT NINCOMPOOPS.
But enjoy those Marriott Bonvoy points, MLS Commissioner Don Garber. You continue to make Rob Manfred look like Adam Silver.