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The IOC won’t give Olympic Village athletes condoms until they leave

More than 11,000 young people in the shape of their lives trapped in a dorm for three weeks. They’ll for sure be safe in there!

Celebrate with a condom is labeled on a condom vending machine near the Olympic Park in Barra, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, 02 August 2016. Rio 2016 Olympic Games take place from 05 to 21 August. Photo by Friso Gentsch/picture alliance via Getty Images

The Tokyo Organising Committee for the 2020 Olympic Games will hand out 150,000 condoms, but intends for them to only be used once the athletes return home. Due to the need to social distance in the semi-bubble of the Olympic Village, athletes will only profer their prophylactics when leaving their housing.

The IOC has given out condoms since the 1998 Games in Seoul to raise awareness around HIV and AIDS. In response to questions by Reuters, Tokyo 2020 said, “‘The distribution of condoms is not for use at the athlete’s village, but to have athletes take them back to their home countries to raise awareness’ of HIV and AIDS issues.”

So five figures worth of humans in the peak physical condition mingling in a self-contained area, with no access from the outside world, and an inability to even be a tourist in one of the world’s great cities. I bet they likely shut all the hormones down and just continue about their day watching Netflix. Sure thing.

Oh, and you can bring alcohol to the Village too, so I guess everyone will be in bed before 10:30! And considering the TOC intends to hand out 150,000 condoms with only 11,090 athletes? It’s safe to say 150,000 condoms will not be departing the Olympic Village at the end of the 32nd Olympiad. And of the 5,386 female athletes, some are quite open that they won’t have much need for their parting gifts.

It’s another way this Olympics will look different than any other. The Platonic Games, basically the platonic ideal of what the ancient Greeks imagined. I’m sure there’s no way anyone violates this policy while holed up in their room for three weeks. No sir-ee.